Polly saw a Pecker

Via Lip, who's on fire at the moment with jokes, big breasted Italian newsreaders and security guards who make wheelies crawl to their cars.

If Chris Taylor's case is anything to go by, man's best friend is not a dog:

At first, Mr Taylor was amused when Ziggy [his parrot] started screeching "Hiya, Gary" every time it heard Miss Collins' mobile phone ring. He even saw the funny side when the parrot began making kissing noises when the name was mentioned on television.

But the truth finally dawned as the couple snuggled together on the sofa and Ziggy blurted out "I love you, Gary" in her voice.

Platinum. She confessed to an affair with "Gary" and Chris dumped her.

All good, she sucks. But unfortunately the parrot, Ziggy, had to go as well, according to ungrateful Chris:

"I wasn't sorry to see the back of Suzy [the Strumpet in question] after what she did but it really broke my heart to let Ziggy go," he said. "It was torture hearing him repeat that name over and over again.

"It feels like someone's got it in for me because I've lost my girlfriend and my best mate at the same time … I didn't want to believe it at first but when Ziggy said 'I love you, Gary' in Suzy's voice it sent a chill down my spine."

That's a bit crap, he has the pet of the century, surely he could have made more of an effort to see the funny side!
...

Now allow me to be a pedant. The Age heading reads "Parrot's love declaration turns boyfriend into a cuckold". Did it?

I thought he'd already been supremely cucked over...