Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Circling the rim of a nasty lava pit

I've reached the dark rim of the volcanic invite caldera.

Invites go out in days, not weeks, and the list is almost final. This is the point where hard decisions get made. We've fought several times, and probably will again.

Ingredients for a testy debate about invites:


Someone who likes small lists, and doesn't like large crowds or being the centre of attention.
Someone who likes to invite everyone they've shared a beer with, likes big crowds and is an extrovert.
Someone who's moved constantly and has friends all over the world that they keep some vague form of contact with.
Someone whose friends are mostly drawn from the one large group who tend to attend each other's functions en masse.
Someone who has lots of good friends of the same gender littered across their past.
Someone who gets jealous easily.
Someone who has always vowed that they would not have B-lists, or throw a wedding if they couldn't invite everyone special to them.
Initially we put close to 200 on our list, with the expectation that quite a few wouldn't be able to make it and so we'd end up with an ideal number of about 140-150. We tested the waters and got indications from people.

Now we are down to the 'ideal number', and beloved would prefer to draw a line and send out the invites. But I always hoped to be able to use some cancellations on my side to invite a few more friends.

Beloved obviously hasn't counted the numbers up in this way, but nearly all the rejections are mine, from my overseas family and friends. Only around 1/3 of the invitees are from my side of things, and it upsets me that it has to be such a big deal to invite 3 or 4 more people.

B-listing friends is not me. It is not who I am, at a fundamental level. I'm experiencing high levels of emotional dissonance at the moment, only partly relieved by having bought two outstanding albums which I'm rotating constantly through the stereo.

Yesterday she gave a small patch of ground, and it made me warm. I don't want to call the numbers game, I don't want to pull the list into territory where she'll be uncomfortable. I just want to get through this.

She agreed to me inviting a handful more. In return I've sounded them out, but if they don't respond to their emails within days then I'm moving on, conscience salved.

2 comments:

Brownie said...

All this is The Test you have to come through. Rent every wedding film you can bear to view. A pity that Robert Altman's The Wedding is not available as it is the total horror groove. After you have seen a few, anything that happens at yours will seem OK. When negotiating with Bridezilla, approach it as a contract where each Party divvies up the assets of the day ie: she gets the big frock and the flowers posse, you get your mates to prop you up.
Re Numbers at the reception - brace yourself for what 150-people-who have been drinking-for-4 hours actually looks like. and for writing 150 thank you notes.

Armagnac Esq. said...

Thank you notes? No way jose!!

Well, at best I'll print them off en masse. They get unlimited champagne, nice wines, top shelf beer, hors d'ouvres, noodle boxes, chocolate cake, cheese and coffee later on and a great jazz band, they don't need thank you cards!

Hmmm, I guess as with every other inane ritual I'll get pulled into this too =(