Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The following are not eligible men...

Firemen, teachers, policemen, legal aid lawyers, journalists, political advisors, aid workers, prosecutors, people who work with street kids or the elderly, military personnel, ambos, policy specialists, lecturers...

...because they don't, unless they are in very senior positions, earn more than $60,000.

This according to the Fella Filter , invented by a stupendously cool KPMG demographer called Bernard. Other men deemed unfit for eligibility include those over 34 (which is about where most men I know start really thinking about settling down) and those with kids.

What bugs me about this isn't that some accountant's lackey would come up with a test that manages, incredibly, to paint tightwads with no social skills as the country's repository of eligible hunks, but that the media reproduces this crap as if it's rational hard fact.

Is no-one in our half-baked press switched-on enough to reach the most logical conclusion here - that so many accountants are single for a reason, and it's not a compliment to accountants?

And yes I am slightly offended on behalf of all those males who choose to do more than jam wads of cash together for a living.

12 comments:

Pavlov's Cat said...

I see no mention whatever is made of the women that these 'eligibles' are supposed to attract. I suppose it's a given that they're all under 25, over five foot eight and 20 pounds underweight, with long blonde hair, IQs of room temperature, and no visible means of support?

One assumes that all those males who choose to do more than jam wads of cash together for a living might also have a more flexible view of what constitutes a desirable woman. The rich blokes and the Kate Moss wannabes do tend to seek (and therefore cancel) each other out.

Then they breed, which is depressing, but you can't have everything.

adam said...

"Then they breed, which is depressing, but you can't have everything."

hey hey HEY! Any reproduction is good reproduction!

We're aborting ourselves out of EXISTENCE, remember???!?!?!?

Splatterbottom said...

This is a gag. The guy is an accountant. He is getting sick of his own right hand so he formulates a model which indicates accountants to be desirable to women.

I can't believe you fell for this tosser, especially as he rated lawyers at nine on his list.

Bruce said...

I sold a sketch like that.

Shot of newsreader announcing "A new study has shown that scientists are the best lovers". Camera pulls back to a room full of nerds in white coats saying "I can't believe they fell for it"

Armagnac Esq. said...

No, I don't think it was a gag at all. It's light hearted, but that's not the same thing.

Bruce said...

Reminds me of a (bad) joke:

Q: What to accountants use as a contraceptive?


A: Their personalities.

Told that to a single 50 something accountant once... he scowled at me.

Petal said...

I think you'll notice that one of the occupations is "fitter".

The Daily Magnet said...

The title should have been fella filler. It is just something to fill the space where news ought to be, but when there are not enough [poor]journalists to do the job- then you get this rubbish. This fits much more with Howard's idea of developmental journalism anyway, push the idea that guys need to be well-off to be attractive and they'll be clocking up the dollars for the Howard gov. A better title for the book would be the Big Sexist Propaganda, but hey - that's marketing for ya.

Amyescence said...

This is a gag. The guy is an accountant. He is getting sick of his own right hand so he formulates a model which indicates accountants to be desirable to women.

Agreed. It's not like accountants have an exciting rep now, is it? But hey, they earn lots.

LadyCracker said...

Umm, I obviously have a bad "fella radar" then. Struck out on all three. Where so I sign up for rehab?

Armagnac Esq. said...

He's obviously just charming, good looking and intelligent like Armaniac!

Rehab involves drinking wine with him on the couch watching the bachelor and ridiculing the stupid tramps chasing the dough...

BridgeGirl said...

It reminds me of Alain de Botton going through the probability of sitting next to someone you could fall in love with on a plane in his book 'Essays in Love.'

Producing statistics on compatibility is amusing, but not really about the fundamentals of falling in love!

This accountant is suggesting that all of us are just interested in $. That might be true for some, but I believe (and hope) that most people don't judge a potential partner by the size of their wallet.