Wednesday, July 20, 2005

What we want to know

...She wants to know if I love her, that's all anyone wants from anyone else...

So says the book I'm reading. Well, specifically, the grandfather who is about to leave his wife, in a book he writes for the infant child he'll never see grow up, never teach to shave, fight or talk to girls.

Is it so?

Is that why she gets so angry about things that don't seem important to me? Why she talked over me on the phone? Why I watched the show we always watch together while she banged things in the kitchen, then upstairs, and seemed oblivious to me?

She said she'd be working late, and that she'd bring some home, and what I heard was ok so you can pop in and have a beer with your friend you haven't seen for 2 weeks and what she heard was I'll be there waiting at home for you baby with a glass of wine.

Neither of us said these things, yet that which wasn't said can lead to trouble. I generally don't get angry at people for things that aren't willful acts, so I find myself unable to comprehend anything.

I walk along the deserted streets in the dark, a sadness in me that's deep and cold like Gunlom.

Gunlom is a waterfall, in Kakadu, whose water is black and feels like liquid ice. We would try to guess how deep it got, what might be lurking at the bottom. We would swim as fast as we could to the other side, and it left our lips blue. Sometimes people drowned there.

What do we really want when we get angry at people over things that don't matter?


QM said...

Because we speak different languages. Not the male/female stuff necessarily - but family of origin stuff, our past experiences and all that jazz.

But those pissed off walks late at night always do wonders for me. Let me symbolically represent that I have been wronged, without actually yelling or screaming or arguing over something that doesn't matter.

Good luck.

Armagnac Esq said...

Thanks QM, yeah they are good for clearing the head as well. If the weather is cold, and you walk until you start to get tired, then suddenly the fight starts to lose some of its importance. The third most important human need, shelter, takes over...

Anonymous said...

qm says: 'that I have been wronged, without actually yelling or screaming or arguing over something that doesn't matter'
...That calmness is perceived by females as Passive Aggression, so yes, you can't win. I think all women want a hug when they start screaming. ' I am sorry' and 'I love you' are your 2 basic currencies for dealing.

anonymous female friend.

Armagnac Esq said...

Oh, I trade those currencies like greenbacks on the Korean black market.

Helen said...

Beautiful post Zilla.

Anonymous said...

^^ nice blog!! ^@^

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