People say there should be no secrets in a relationship. I find this persuasive. But I think there must be exceptions, because people need to hold onto some individual space as well. The question an individual must decide is where to draw the line between secrets that damage or are an affront to trust, and little innocuous pockets of personal space.
Friends who are the opposite sex are a good example. Especially if you know they find you attractive, or vice versa. Another is fantasising, another onanism.
So what about secret diaries? My partner used to keep one, and was appalled that her ex looked in it one day. I have never looked to see if she still keeps one; she has said she doesn't, but if she felt the need I would understand and respect her privacy.
What about one that is secret from your partner, but shared with many others, like a blog? This blog?
I don't think I could write frankly if my fiance was reading over my shoulder, as it were. Yet I like the idea of having a blog, because I need to discuss things with people outside my group.
I especially need the counsel of women. Before this relationship I was single most of the time, and the bulk of my friends were women. I would discuss all personal issues with them as a matter of course- large quantities of coffee and wine were sacrificed. Now I mostly catch up with women as part of a couple, and most of my friends time is spent with men. At times, especially these sort of times, I miss the sagely female advice.
Am I keeping an unreasonable secret?
Would your answer change if I said I plan to give my beloved a bound printout as a gift the day we get back from honeymoon? I'm uncertain how she'll respond, but I think she'll end up liking it. Assuming I don't have a change of heart. About the printout, that is!
At least, unlike Nikki Gemmell, I'm not venting fantasies about having affairs or whining about how boring my partner is.
Completely sincere feminist love poem #2 - O strong-willed and independent womyn Whose blood pulse is the pulse of the seasons, Whose mind is the mind of Gaia, Who runs with the wolves of the night ...
3 hours ago