Tuesday, July 19, 2005

4 months of exponential

The date is November 12, it is now July 19.

Stress has locked my stomach into a permanent knot, and I know it's winding the woman I love into great big triple-reef-knots-with-loops too. I don't know what I'm going to write here, but it will be a diary, as honest as I can bear to make it, as far as I dare to risk it.

The process has been a microcosm of everything big in my life. It coincides with my search for meaning in my career, at its most acute, because I'm moving jobs and potentially changing direction altogether after 5 years of my profession. As we argue about finances I'm fighting to stay above water financially. At times I'm fighting not to lose the one thing that this is meant to be about- she and I.

The guest lists and arguments about who does what and when have dragged both of us headlong into the darkest corners of our family histories. My family will meet my birth family. For the first time. My beloved's tough relationship with her father and stepmother will follow a tortuous path to either a new, higher level of understanding or something like estrangement.

My grasp on sanity will feel, morning after morning, like I'm holding a string attached to a large helium balloon in a southerly gale and my fingers are slicked with olive oil.

Almost every day at some point I regret not eloping, and one day soon I'll tell you dear reader about the beautiful vision I had for the two of us, alone, making promises that no-one except us really has any right to witness. It involved a clifftop, a tropical island, a plunge pool covered with flowers, no clothes at all and a couple of glasses of Billecarte-Salmon.

But now it is as it is, and I'm determined that my beautiful bride will have a day to remember for as many of the right reasons as I can muster, that we stay sane, and come through happier together than ever.

Your patient ear and wise advice will be appreciated. Wish us luck...


Anonymous said...


Have a lovely quiet wedding somewhere you like with people you really care about - NO FAMILY AT ALL. (except maybe some Mums in disguise).

Don't get a white frock. Get a pair of spiffy sets of duds that you can wear later again and set a look for youse. You will probably need advice on this from an expert and there must be some.

Then, hire the Alphington Fishing Club Hall (or some such). Get some trestle tables and folding chairs. Get a keg. Buy some cheap cleanskins. Make a shitload of noodles or spaghetti, and get some party pies.

Hire a cheap band - I suggest you go and listen to Tugabooga because they are on the north side and they are bloggers. Yay!

Then get everyone to dance their brains out.

It would be even better if your mates agreed to organise this.

Or you could have a barbie in a park. Simple. You and your partner are not responsible for what anyone does to anyone, or what experience they have of the day. It is supposed to be for you, not anyone else.

They can compromise.


- barista

Apples said...

'That word, say it clear now - L.O.V.E - LOVE!'

Here's to love, patience, and faith - In your soon-to-be missus, in your life together, in yourself. Keep that close to your heart and you can't go too wrong.

I'm going to go and call Hallmark now, I think they could use a writer. Hot damn, I rock.

Anonymous said...

amateurs become theatrical producers overnight.
so many different people to 'please'.
this year I have been close to 2 wedding plans.
one couple had the row of their life the night before.
the other couple was offered $10,000 cash by the brides mother to just go to Fiji and do it on a beach. Bride kept a spreadsheet of costs and managed to do it for $8000 when the average one costs $28K. the photos (by a friend) looked divine.
My wedding was 7pm in our work clothes, the vicar, the couple, the 2 witnesses and their partners. 7 people.no pix cars or flowers. bluestone church. carlton restaurant after. marriage lasted 23 years.
Maybe, in The Divine Plan, marriage arrangements are THE TEST of the relationship? xxx B

Anonymous said...

The events of the marriage day matter NOT. KEEPING the promises is the important bit.
any woman who really wants to marry you, would be happy to live with you in a tent, so long as you tell her you love her every single morning when you wake. very inexpensive upkeep. barista above is right - to keep it special for yourselves, have a secret wedding a week before - tell nobody. that will enable you to get through the Big production with a smile. in france there are always two weddings, civil and church.

QM said...

Hey, the wedding has to be stressful, otherwise you wouldn't realise how important and significant a step it is.

So, as someone who has had a fair bit to do with weddings over the years (including my own), here are my top tips for surviving the big day and the lead up:

1. Do what you want and find people who will cooperate with that - Celebrant won't tolerate changes in plans? Get a new celebrant. And so on.

2. Notwithstanding point 1, remember that there are some things you will have to compromise on - some people get their knickers in a twist about the strangest things, and if they are close family members, it is sometimes easiest just to let some of those things slide.

3. Remember that the marriage is the important thing - not the wedding, so make sure that you don't lose sight of that.

4. Don't commit to seeing anyone for at least two weeks after the wedding. Some people arrange to spend time with interstate guests or family before the honeymoon. By the time it comes around, the thought of time alone with your bride might be the only thing keeping you sane - so don't promise it away unless you are sure that you are going to want to see them.

5. Schedule date nights or times of the week when the topic of wedding preparations is taboo.

6. Consider hooking up with someone for a couple of sessions pre-marital couples counselling. Use the wedding as a chance to work out some of the kinks in the relationship and equip yourselves with some tools for the future. I may even know a few names in your immediate neighbourhood I could recommend.

7. Above all - enjoy yourselves. Store away the more frustrating stories appropriately prepared for dinner party conversation laughs (everyone will be able to sympathise). And maintain a sense of humour about the ridiculousness.

cfsmtb said...

Well, well, well, couldn't stay away blogging too long, could we now? If this is who I *think* it is if it's any comfort we're moving to your area this w/e. Homebrew should be ready in, say, 2-3 months. Thought I'd mention it, as you may be requiring it...

Do what one of my siblings have done. Bugger off somewhere & elope.

Armagnac Esq said...

Thanks all for your ideas and support. I assure you I'm reading all comments I get here at least twice!
Currently digesting, thinking... and brewing up more posts.

CF, indeed I enjoy a home brew- I suggest you contact that person you think I might be at their last known address and if it's me I'll see you at the bar!

Here I remain fully anon, jsut like Nikki Gemmel...

Jeremy said...

Almost every day at some point I regret not eloping

Oh, man, I'm with you there...

One plus about being married now is that WE'LL NEVER HAVE TO ORGANISE ANOTHER WEDDING AGAIN. Thank god.

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