Cub goes quiet

Hardly a twitch for two days. I was brushing it off, playing down Beloved's concerns. Inside was a growing lump of dread. We are too close now, he is too real.

He is my boy, my little Cub.

Friends recently experienced such loss. I couldn't imagine their world or how they kept going, they were so much stronger than I could be if I were dropped into that place. Hell is real, Hell is sewn into the arteries of a parent who has lost a child.

As Leonard Cohen puts it:

Like a baby stillborn... I have torn, everyone, who reached out to me.

Cub is back in action, a little restrained but with enough vigour that we're taking in breath again.

I want to wrap his mum up in cotton wool and carry them both through the next 3 months...