tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post989817534431069571..comments2024-03-24T00:22:04.029+11:00Comments on armagnac'd: Breaking SadArmagnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05430006925445661524noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-82031495197906797852010-11-23T08:05:01.565+11:002010-11-23T08:05:01.565+11:00There's a difference between disappointment an...There's a difference between disappointment and resentment. The latter is most poisonous, eating away at the host, then by osmosis the hosts loved ones. Concentrate on the love you have for the family you've created, so your family of origin can feel faintly envious :)GShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11963643826578219126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-41208112356766764642010-10-11T22:41:17.597+11:002010-10-11T22:41:17.597+11:00yes, what Kerryn said.
As I read down the commen...yes, what Kerryn said. <br />As I read down the comments I was thinking of young parents with Mediterranean-born parents and family events that smother them.<br />They dream of a life like yours.<br /><br />Honour your Melbourne employment, and remember that it is not economical to sell that new nest till you have been in it at least 4 years.<br />Just make sure you inherit any real estate owned by those who prefer gardening to grandkids.<br />(I do have some sympathy for the burden of your Qld mother)<br /><br />Your children don't pine for grandparents, and most grandparents are needed to fill voids left by sloppy parenting, which you two do not create.<br />You have no voids. Your greatest assets are yourselves. Take heart from that. peace and loveiODynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06394268529143990889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-31621096672679972952010-09-24T21:47:01.524+10:002010-09-24T21:47:01.524+10:00I got nothin', except to remind you that famil...I got nothin', except to remind you that family get-togethers can be quite as frightful as an absence of family get-togethers, but I just had to tell you that the WV here is "later". Perhaps it's trying to tell you something.Kerryn Goldsworthyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11270814460793882309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-74062809822969806072010-09-24T09:31:09.199+10:002010-09-24T09:31:09.199+10:00Thanks all, as always your feedback is thoughtful ...Thanks all, as always your feedback is thoughtful and helpful...Armagnyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05430006925445661524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-36123800669289200002010-09-23T20:42:25.470+10:002010-09-23T20:42:25.470+10:00Councelling could be a good plan, but beware of co...Councelling could be a good plan, but beware of councellors that want you to 'get everything out in the open' and tell the other person how you feel. With older parents who are convinced they are right, this technique will probably just inflame t he situation.<br /><br />but finding a councellor who will sort through your own feelings would be good, if such can be found.<br /><br />On family - we have some and they are keen and involved, love the kids and are close to them, which is fantastic. Alas they do not offer to babysit. Ah well, perhaps when the kids are older...<br /><br /> - I watched the selective mutism show too. Such a fascinating glimpse into another world.seepinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-19030805631685141382010-09-23T16:11:30.688+10:002010-09-23T16:11:30.688+10:00i sat in the xray department of Cabrini hospital t...i sat in the xray department of Cabrini hospital today waiting to get another photo taken of my broken leg. <br /><br />Across the way from me I watched a couple of men, also waiting. At first I thought they were maybe about the same age-friends. Both in their early to mid fifties. Then I realised that one was older.<br /><br />Turns out they were father and son. And like you watching your film on TV, watching the dedication of a grandfather towards his grand child, my eyes could have misted over watching the dedication of both father and son.<br /><br />'You would never have sat with your father like that,' I said to my husband who sat waiting with me. 'Nor me with mine.'<br /><br />It made me feel sad in a bitter sweet sort of way because here at least there seemed to be evidence that sometimes good relationships between fathers and their sons exist. <br /><br />Maybe the same can be said of father's and their daughters. <br /><br />You can have both with your children, Armagnac. It's not the same as extended family though and it's sad you have to learn it all the hard way, but at least you're trying.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-50146108113716091582010-09-23T15:16:35.127+10:002010-09-23T15:16:35.127+10:00After struggling with similiar family issues. I wo...After struggling with similiar family issues. I would strongly suggest counselling. Its the best money I ever spent. You can't change the way other people are but you can change the way you feel about it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-222211765950036242010-09-23T14:49:42.476+10:002010-09-23T14:49:42.476+10:00Yes, moving to another place brings its own stress...Yes, moving to another place brings its own stresses (but Canberra is wonderful for school-aged children and public servants!). My own in-laws have become much more involved as the kit gets older. I think they were much more nervous or reluctant when he was a baby and a toddler. Once you get past those years, your flexibility increases and so on. But we too are feeling very isolated at the moment. <br /><br />If you have good friends in Melbourne I would be reluctant to up-stumps for a possibly unreliable family member.Penthehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11200896933898936176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-21951724705220354952010-09-23T14:40:58.082+10:002010-09-23T14:40:58.082+10:00You're describing a very familiar situation, o...You're describing a very familiar situation, one that many couples with young families experience when they have children—isolation, lack of support, erosion of the extended family and the community around us. <br /><br />My own experience is that these things are so much more acute when the children are very young. Speaking to friends, I can see that the rosy picture of tightly-knit families gathering around grandchildren to support them and guide them through life is actually quite rare, and it's also unrealistic.<br /><br />I've heard so many stories of grandmothers preferring to travel, or garden, instead of babysitting or being available to mind their grandkids during school holidays. Who can blame them! This child rearing business seems to go on forever, they probably really enjoy their hard-won freedom. My kids are at school now, and I sometimes wonder if I will be available for every call and childcare need, if my children end up having children. <br /><br />Moving to another city or country can be quite exciting, but my feeling is that it works best if it's done for one's own (selfish) reasons, such as wanting new experiences, interesting work, etc.<br /><br />There are many people in Melbourne going through very similar feelings, with fragile family connections, tempted to long for some picture-book idea of an extended family, while flopping on the couch with exhaustion in the evening. We all need some TLC, but the big question is how to get it, and where to get it from.<br /><br />My own tried and tested philosophy, after some pretty sad experiences, is that one has to create one's own community, and not have too many expectations from elderly parents and relatives. Friends are so much more fun anyway.<br /><br />Clifton Hill is fun too. Have you ever tried flying a kite around the adventure playground?Tatyananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-22128417547364319962010-09-23T13:23:49.794+10:002010-09-23T13:23:49.794+10:00As tempting as moving might sound, I can promise y...As tempting as moving might sound, I can promise you it isn't the panacea it appears to be...<br /><br />mind you, Adelaide is a good city to live when you have little kids. We were able to afford to live quite close to town, with only a 15 minute commute for either of us (it's got more expensive lately of course, but still nothing like the eastern states).ThirdCathttp://adelaidefromadelaide.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-40566554754121659342010-09-23T12:06:42.053+10:002010-09-23T12:06:42.053+10:00Same suggestion was just made at a lunch I went to...Same suggestion was just made at a lunch I went to.... I've heard worse ideas!<br /><br />I will say though, thank god for friends...Armagnyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05430006925445661524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-67201461789620463782010-09-23T11:26:05.583+10:002010-09-23T11:26:05.583+10:00I know this might be a bit twee, but what about &q...I know this might be a bit twee, but what about "adopting" a family/grandparents to create the inter-generational care and closeness that you seek. I know that there are some formal organisations that organise 'adopt a grandparent' type situations, but you could also try to harness the same sense of family and community from connecting in to a community organisation which favours lonely and/or isolated people. <br /><br />There are plenty of people out there without family which might appreciate such a connection, even if your blood relatives aren't as into it.Dannoreply@blogger.com