tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post7592479961405589477..comments2024-03-24T00:22:04.029+11:00Comments on armagnac'd: My dad shelves our relationship # fathers # grandparents # adoption # rejectionArmagnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05430006925445661524noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-8216759629748094192009-10-01T16:28:55.497+10:002009-10-01T16:28:55.497+10:00That is such a good idea.
It is well-documented th...That is such a good idea.<br />It is well-documented that Christmas-New Year is a busy time for suicides and violence, not to mention debt.<br />It should only be commemorated by people who have actually attended a Christian church service during the year. Everybody else should ignore department stores exhortations to buy everybody a $400 gift - an don't scoff at me, the adverts are being booked as we speak.<br />Watch Billy Bob Thornton play brilliantly Bad <b>Bad Santa</b>.Ann ODynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01159263330547329077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-82016635997572465472009-10-01T16:11:50.860+10:002009-10-01T16:11:50.860+10:00Having visited your blog a few times and read some...Having visited your blog a few times and read some entries, and seen how much you delight in your children, I don't think you need to be concerned about ever becoming like your father. He is a man of an entirely different generation. Just enjoy your wonderful life. (I'm no expert on professional assistance with such things, but others have made good suggestions.)<br /><br />One thing I have to comment on, though: why on earth have a family Christmas! I personally need therapy, or a lot of wine on the day, just to cope with the idea of meeting up with various family members, in-laws and etc. at Christmas time. Throw a party for some friends— it's much more fun, and the kids will love it.<br /><br />anon edAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-86119310225686852932009-09-13T22:38:56.051+10:002009-09-13T22:38:56.051+10:00Helen!
but thanks for the WV - I always think they...Helen!<br />but thanks for the WV - I always think they are 'Notifiable Names' ie Childrens Court appearancees - the twins Jhaidn & TheednBwcaBrowniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11500142856655553009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-84970857019541288502009-09-13T20:52:27.269+10:002009-09-13T20:52:27.269+10:00So what was the feeding-Mitts-abuse thing? Own up ...So what was the feeding-Mitts-abuse thing? Own up now: you <a href="http://www.messandnoise.com/discussions/131741" rel="nofollow">used the funnel, yes?!</a><br /><br />w/v: theednHelenhttp://castironbalcony.media2.orgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-71088995515385374672009-09-11T22:27:50.357+10:002009-09-11T22:27:50.357+10:00peace and love from me.peace and love from me.Ann ODynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01159263330547329077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-52633395189138789992009-09-11T20:46:08.264+10:002009-09-11T20:46:08.264+10:00Oh bummer. We have a kind of similar thing going o...Oh bummer. We have a kind of similar thing going on in a more benign way - Dad doesn't actively say poisonous things, but he's airily unconcerned about most family/grandchild goings on, having lived in his head as he has done pretty much from 40something on. But his airy unconcern of course makes him foot in mouth prone, of course, and he's oblivious of any hurt he causes with that.Helenhttp://castironbalcony.media2.orgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-568813483865885452009-09-11T15:24:37.481+10:002009-09-11T15:24:37.481+10:00Ouch. Just ouch. So nasty. and just so sad.
But s...Ouch. Just ouch. So nasty. and just so sad.<br /><br />But some things you just cannot change. And most people will never change.<br /><br />From reading this account I think you are on the right track not to court his involvement with your kids anyway.<br /><br />I think the tricky thing may be trying to maintain a good relationship with your mum, and not with dad. But perhaps if he makes no effort, and you cease making efforts, it will just happen that way.seepinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-41402674155910350592009-09-11T14:29:42.939+10:002009-09-11T14:29:42.939+10:00With absolutely no experience or qualifications in...With absolutely no experience or qualifications in family counselling, I think you are doing the right thing. If he has to come to you to annoy you then he just might. You could really annoy him by asking "is mum there?" every time he answers the phone too.Mindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10634135486127575735noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-74549215891010151212009-09-11T12:58:49.642+10:002009-09-11T12:58:49.642+10:00I was saddened to hear your story. And to hear ag...I was saddened to hear your story. And to hear again the ways in which history repeats itself. <br /><br />We make excuses for our fathers, they too have suffered. We also expect things of them rightly or wrongly and all of this is compounded for you by the fact of being adopted. <br /><br />Along the lines that Zoe suggested, you might want to look at this webpage from a woman I know for ideas about how to approach some of the issues. <br />See: http://www.gabby-howse.com/Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04015624747225433940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-69762224117813184062009-09-11T12:30:11.920+10:002009-09-11T12:30:11.920+10:00"I like seeing you like this, I like making y..."I like seeing you like this, I like making you get upset like this"<br /><br />Wow. Jesus. I mean, <i>fark</i>.<br /><br />While I was reading this (and earlier) posts I was all like 'Oh I'm sure it can be fixed, discussed, talked through' right up till I got to this bit. But I've seen enough of this nasty streak in certain members of my own family to recognise it and the power of it. If upsetting you gives him pleasure, then of course he's not going to stop doing it and he was never going to stop doing it. But you are clearly not that kind of person yourself, so I really think your worries about getting like him are way off base. <br /><br />That said, I agree with Zoe. Counselling is good.Kerryn Goldsworthyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11270814460793882309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-60399121405949548092009-09-11T12:09:47.043+10:002009-09-11T12:09:47.043+10:00It's almost a pity he won't see this post,...It's almost a pity he won't see this post, as these are things he could be told.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-759337556671847102009-09-11T11:48:11.943+10:002009-09-11T11:48:11.943+10:00glad you got to the accepatnce bit yourself in the...glad you got to the accepatnce bit yourself in the last para- that was going to be my brillaint advice. AT some stage you have to give up on wanting them to be differnt and just accept thats what they do/who they are/ how the do stuff. Makes it a whole lot easier than taking responsibility for their behaviours and always trying to run around finding ways to make it all better. Thats what i did with my difficult/foot in mouth mother. Works a treat.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05004659288503834211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-12148520740399802572009-09-11T11:43:53.243+10:002009-09-11T11:43:53.243+10:00Zoe, potentially quite open to it, not the least b...Zoe, potentially quite open to it, not the least because there's nothing I won't do to try and ensure I don't make the same mistakes.<br /><br />MsLaurie Yeah, I'm cross at my mum too but she'll always be welcome and indeed I suspect that relationship, her and the grandkids, is the one that will get all the focus from here on.Armagnyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05430006925445661524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-45240035363393976262009-09-11T11:40:51.077+10:002009-09-11T11:40:51.077+10:00How awful, the whole lot. Can perhaps just your Mu...How awful, the whole lot. Can perhaps just your Mum come to visit the little ones, even if not at Christmas?MsLauriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14865393664244155193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14608966.post-48526498528305008692009-09-11T11:35:57.939+10:002009-09-11T11:35:57.939+10:00Have you tried some therapy? Not to "fix&quo...Have you tried some therapy? Not to "fix" the relationship, but for you. Helped me a lot with my father iss-ewes. A LOT.Zoehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01546885088503890394noreply@blogger.com